Aging & Sex After 50: How to Reduce Pain & Increase Pleasure

If sex has started to hurt, feel awkward, or quietly disappear as you’ve gotten older, let’s clear something up right away: that is not a personal failure—and it is not the end of your sex life.

Aging doesn’t shut down desire. Bodies change. Hormones shift. Angles matter more than they used to. And yet, most of us were never taught what to do with that information.

Sex after 40, 50, 60, and beyond isn’t broken—it’s evolving. And when we stop treating change as loss and start treating it as information, intimacy can become more comfortable, connected, and deeply pleasurable.

Why Intimacy Changes—and How to Make It Comfortable Again

Sex after 50 often looks different than it did earlier in life because bodies change. Hormones fluctuate, tissues respond differently, and what once felt effortless may now require more intention. For many people, especially during perimenopause and menopause, pain during sex becomes one of the biggest barriers to intimacy. For others, it’s stiffness, erection changes, or fear of hurting a partner. These shifts are common they're not something you’re supposed to silently tolerate.

Aging and sex are not incompatible. They simply require updated information, better communication, and more supportive tools.

Sex Can Become Uncomfortable as We Age

When people talk about painful sex after menopause, the focus is often on vaginal changes—and those absolutely matter. But intimacy in midlife is a shared system, and both partners are affected. Common contributors to discomfort may include:

Menopause-related changes for women such as vaginal dryness, thinning tissue, and increased sensitivity; pelvic floor tension or weakness, which can affect arousal, orgasm, and comfort;

and joint, hip, or lower-back stiffness, making familiar sex positions uncomfortable.

Erection changes in men, including slower arousal, softer erections, or fatigue and performance pressure on both sides, which increases anxiety and muscle guarding.

For many couples, sex becomes less frequent not because attraction is gone—but because one or both partners are trying to avoid discomfort, embarrassment, or causing pain. This often leads to less and less intimacy.

Pain Is Not the Price of Sex

One of the most damaging myths about aging and sex is the idea that discomfort is just something you have to accept—or that the solution is to stop having sex altogether. Pain during sex is never something you’re supposed to push through. Pleasure in midlife often improves when people shift their focus from performance to comfort, safety, and collaboration. That may include:

• Using high-quality lubricants or vaginal moisturizers

• Exploring pelvic floor physical therapy

• Slowing down arousal and giving the body more time

• Communicating openly about what feels good—and what doesn’t 

• Adjusting positions to reduce strain

• And using supportive tools that make sex feel better instead of harder

  
  

Men, Menopause, and the Conversation We’re Not Having

Menopause doesn’t just affect the person going through it—it affects the relationship.

Many men notice changes but don’t know how to talk about them:

“I don’t want to hurt her.”

 “I feel rejected.”

 “I don’t know what’s okay anymore.”

 “My erections aren’t as reliable, and now sex feels stressful.”

Without context, men often internalize these changes as failure—either their own or their partner’s. The result is less initiation, more distance, and growing uncertainty around intimacy. When pain is reduced and pressure is removed, intimacy often becomes more relaxed, playful, and emotionally connected—for both partners.

How Better Positioning Can Reduce Pain During Sex After Menopause

One of the most overlooked contributors to pain during sex after menopause is positioning. As bodies age, certain angles place unnecessary strain on the hips, pelvic floor, and vaginal opening—especially during penetration. Small changes in alignment can make a big difference. This is where supportive positioning tools can be genuinely helpful.

The Prim Pillow by Tabu is a wedge-shaped intimacy pillow designed to support aging bodies during sex. Unlike stacking regular pillows, which tend to collapse or slide, the Prim is designed to stay in place and provide consistent support. Stuffed with memory foam, this pillow gently elevates the hips. Tnnnnnnnnnhe Prim can:

The Prim by Tabu

• Reduce pressure at the vaginal opening

• Improve alignment for more comfortable penetration

• Support the lower back and pelvic floor

• Ease strain on hips and joints

• Encourage relaxation instead of bracing

  
  

The Prim is especially helpful for people navigating menopause, pelvic floor changes, joint stiffness, or erection variability.

👉 Learn more about the Prim Pillow by Tabu here (affiliate link)*

When sex hurts—or when someone is anticipating pain—desire naturally shuts down. The nervous system prioritizes safety over pleasure every time. When discomfort is reduced through better communication, lubrication, and physical support, many people notice that desire returns because their body finally feels safe enough to respond.

Sex After 50 Can Still Be Hot

Great sex in midlife isn’t about recreating your 30-year-old body. It’s about letting go of outdated expectations and learning what this body enjoys now. That means there's less performance pressure, more focus on sensation and connection, permission to adapt without shame and using tools that support pleasure rather than ignoring discomfort

Aging doesn’t end sex. Silence, shame, and misinformation do. If sex has become uncomfortable as you’ve aged, you are not alone—and you are not broken. Pain is a signal that something needs to change. With the right information, communication, and support—including tools like the Prim after 50 can be comfortable, connected, and deeply satisfying for both partners.

Looking for a simple way to make sex more comfortable?

Supportive positioning can significantly reduce pressure on the hips and pelvic floor. The Prim Pillow by Tabu, designed specifically to improve comfort during intimacy.

👉 Learn more about the Prim Pillow here

*Affiliate disclosure: I only recommend products I genuinely believe support sexual comfort and well-being. If you purchase through my link, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you.