One of the most common reasons women stop having sex is pain. Their desire for sex may still be real, yet the very idea of opening themselves up (literally and figuratively) causes enormous anxiety.
"I love my partner but I've given up on sex."
The impact of these challenges runs deeper, influencing self-esteem, relationships, and overall well-being. Often women feel resigned to their fate or the very thought of telling their doctor is filled with shame. Once we're out of child bearing years, doctors will do routine screening at your annual appointments, but they rarely ask about your sex life.
Painful sex, or "dyspareunia" as it is medically known, is way more common than you think. Typically it refers to pain with intercourse. For some women, the pain is external and may not even require penetration to be felt.
Examples might be pain with penetration (including tampons), deep pain with thrusting, burning or aching, or throbbing, hours after intercourse.
Painful sex may be a condition you've suffered from for many years or it may have started with the hormonal changes of perimenopause. Some of the most common causes are:
Not enough lubrication (due to a drop in estrogen levels)
Physical trauma from surgery or cancer treatment
Skin disorders
Vaginismus (spasms of the vaginal wall)
Illnesses and condidtions like endometriosis, pelvic inflammatory disease or a uterine prolapse to name a few
Psychogical issues like depression
A history of sexual abuse
Medical advancements and open dialogues have paved the way for numerous treatments that promise relief and recovery. From hormone replacement therapy designed to balance your hormonal levels to using lubricants that ease dryness, the options are numerous and promising.
Sex therapy can also do wonders in addressing any underlying fear or trauma associated with sex. By creating a safe space for you to explore these feelings, therapists can guide you towards healing and rediscovering the joy in intimacy.
Pelvic floor physical therapy offers another avenue, targeting the physical aspect directly by strengthening the very muscles that support sexual health and may also be helpful with helping retraining the body after sexual trauma.
Your sexual health is an intrinsic part of your overall wellbeing. It deserves attention, care, and, when necessary, professional intervention. You are not alone in this journey. Countless men and women confront these challenges, finding not just solutions but pathways to deeper intimacy and satisfaction. Your experiences, your pain, and your aspirations for a fulfilling sex life matter. You deserve not just to navigate midlife but to thrive within it, rediscovering intimacy as a source of joy and connection.
With the right information, support, and treatment, the journey can lead to a renaissance of sexual health and happiness. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Advocate for your sexual wellness with the same fervor you would for any other aspect of your health. Because you deserve a rich, fulfilling sex life, unmarred by pain. Let's cast aside the taboos and embark on this journey of rediscovery together.
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