Karen Bigman, Midlife Sexpert

Picture two men, both married roughly twenty years, both facing the same quiet gap in their sex life. Their marriages look nothing alike from the outside. The mistake underneath is nearly identical.

Every man who's watched his wife's desire fade has built a story to explain it. Usually the story centers on him: he's not attractive enough anymore, he waited too long to fix things, she's simply done wanting him.

Sexual performance anxiety after 50 is a predictable consequence of real physical changes intersecting with the way most men were taught to think about sex. The men who work through it come out the other side with a more honest and often more satisfying sexual life than they had before.